I am feeling emotionally, relationally, and [sort of] spiritually drained.
I’m frustrated with asking people how they are, receiving a ten-minute response, and not even a feigned interest in my life or its goings-on.
If someone only contacts you when they want to make use of your gifts (time, money, abilities, or wisdom), they’re probably no friend of yours. Just saying.
Now I’m not saying I don’t like doing these things like listening to people vent or praying with them or doing a favor or something. Those things bring me joy because of who Christ has been to me, and I want my life to be a comprehensive worship. Ministry means doing a lot of those things, and quite often. I expect 1-way connections with people I love who are emotionally/spiritually unable to return the favor, because well, duh.
I guess I just feel “let down” by some of my peeps who identify as disciples. Everyone in the entire world is always going through something difficult; we’re not supposed to take a break from loving people because we have “our own stuff.” I just mean that it’s a 2-way street and I thought we were in this together. I changed my major 5 weeks ago and people I thought I was close to are literally still finding out. At least gimme a “how are you?” without having your own response prepared.
In short -
Issue: Feeling like an unloved lover, a friend without friends
Catch-22: People, including myself, are ridiculously selfish and generally self-serving. If it doesn’t advance our personal or professional goals, we want nothing to do with it. Recklessly put, nobody cares.
My heart issue: I’m trying to fill a God-sized desire for real relationship with the pathetic ability of man, and it results in anger and loneliness every time. Not to mention, I’m living a bitter, graceless existence where I hate everyone. If I’m not close to Jesus, I can effectively love no one.
But: I probably need some friends that care about me too.
The only thing I can do: Draw closer to God and allow him to fill me. I’m starving for the real thing.
AND: look inwardly to find out who I’ve been a crappy friend to lately.
“No enthusiasm will ever stand the strain that Jesus Christ will put upon His worker, only one thing will - a personal relationship with Himself which has gone through the mill of His spring-cleaning until there is only one purpose left - ‘I am here for God to send me where he will.’ Every other thing may get fogged, but this relationship with Jesus Christ must never be.”
- Oswald Chambers, The “Go” of Relationship